10 Things (about Cross-Cultural Hospitality) I Didn't Know Last Year - 2017 Edition

BBC News has an interesting column on their website called "10 Things We Didn't Know Last Week" where they feature some of the most interesting tidbits they learned in the last week. At the end of this second year at The Serviette, I wanted to do what I did last year on the same day — share ten things I didn't know last year, but that I learned this year through hospitality or through The Serviette. I hope you learn a few things from this list, too! 

hosting guests of other religions and cultures
  1. Partnering with other Christians in your hospitality efforts is a thing. We're learning to invite others along to help us with a meal or party, if they're interested, or to accept offers of help. Just having one extra like-minded person along to assist with preparing, serving, or cleaning up after a meal can make such a difference. Sometimes partnering with others is almost a necessity, such as when singles want to reach out to entire families of Muslims, it's best to partner with a family or group where both genders are represented.

  2. Speaking of which, this year I noticed that the best way to teach cross-cultural hospitality is to invite others along to be part of what you're doing. That Christian friend who says, "I don't think I could ever host a Muslim for dinner" is (perhaps) a friend you can simply invite to the table with your Muslim friend. So much of what we learn about hospitality simply comes from being hosted. It's fun to think about how to "'pair" guests of different cultures who might otherwise never eat a meal together.

  3. Your international friends might not know the difference between Good Friday and Black Friday. Hosting someone at Easter can give you the opportunity to answer this question and others!

  4. Most people from other nations eat their potatoes peeled; they may not be big fans of eating the skin like we often do now in North America.

  5. Chinese guests often enjoy being asked to help with a meal. A Chinese reader of The Serviette offered this explanation to what I had observed about our Chinese guests: "Chinese people show affection primarily through actions. So preparing a meal together is one way to express that, especially given how central food is in relationship building. Preparing a meal, eating together, and pitching in to wash up is how you show care. It's how my grandma taught my mom, and how my mom taught me."

  6. Reverse hospitality, or offering to take a meal to someone else's house, might be just what a friend needs when it's harder for him or her to get out. This year a friend offered to bring over homemade pizza dough and toppings and make pizza at our place, and it hit the spot.

  7. Games that require knowledge of pop culture are usually not so fun for internationals.

  8. “God has made forks and spoons, pans, pots, and plates weapons of war against the darkness" - read more here.

  9. Having an outsider live in your home with you (for real life, not just vacation) is one of the best ways to go deeper with that person and have an impact with them for eternity. Having a full-time guest in your home can also be challenging, but I'd encourage you to consider it. The eternal pros often outweigh the temporary cons. For example, this year my husband met a German man who became a follower of Jesus through living with a Christian host family in America.

  10. Prayer about specific hospitality ventures works! Maybe I knew this before this year in theory, but in 2017, we saw several potentially-difficult situations resolved even better than we could have expected. God can work out the details of your hospitality ventures, if you pray about them.

Thanks for being part of this growing community of hosts and wannabe hosts who are learning to share our lives with people of other cultures, religions and backgrounds! Our ongoing conversation about the ins and outs of welcoming new and different people into our homes always encourages me. I look forward to continuing to learn along with you in 2018!

Reader Tips for Hospitality in 2017

As part of our year-end giveaway at The Serviette, we asked our readers to give their best hospitality tips. Here are some of their top ideas on hospitality:

  1. Act now: If you keep telling God you're waiting until you have a bigger or nicer house to practice hospitality, it's not likely that you'll start hosting guests even when your physical circumstances have changed. Hospitality is a matter of the heart. What's most important is not your house or your cooking; it's your heart to obey God and love people. Don't wait until everything is perfect to show hospitality, because there will always be a reason to not have someone over.

  2. Be brave: Pick up the phone, send the email or text...do whatever it takes to conquer your fear and invite guests before you can change your mind. Hosting guests can take courage, but it's always worth it!

  3. Keep it simple. Simplify the menu while being respectful of cultural and food preferences. Simple is easier for you and makes people more relaxed! You don't have to have people over for a full meal; no one objects to being invited over for coffee or dessert. Use paper serviettes instead of cloth ones. You want your guests to feel loved and cozy, but that doesn't mean you have to make hosting complicated.

  4. Make it a group project: It's OK to have everyone bring some food to share. It's easier for you, and everyone sees at least one thing on the table that he or she likes to eat! Or, have everyone bring an ingredient and cook the meal together. One hostess wrote that she's been amazed at the conversations that develop and barriers that are removed by cooking together, as opposed to just eating together.

  5. Clean up ahead of time: Any extra preparation you can do before planned guests arrive, like washing up pots and pans, makes you freer to enjoy your time with your guests.

  6. Be culturally sensitive: When hosting people with little experience trying new foods, it's also OK to order food from a restaurant that serves food they are accustomed to eating. This shows honour, in that you thought about what your guests would like, and reduces potential stress, because you don't have to try to replicate a dish that you won't make as well as they do. If you live in a culture that is not your own, learn how locals show hospitality, but also consider adding your own twist when you host them. For example, one reader wrote that her neighbours always serve coffee, so when they come to her house, she serves them coffee from her home country—a little twist on what they're accustomed to.

  7. Watch your tongue. Be careful how you talk to your guests, or what you talk about with your guests. You can set a gracious atmosphere in your home by how you choose to use your tongue.

  8. Let your pretty be practical: Don't use anything tall in your table centrepieces, so your guests' view is not blocked. Making the house smell nice doesn't have to be expensive. One reader says she boils cinnamon sticks and cloves in water on top of the stove before a party, to fragrance the air!

  9. Have someone over at least once a week: it's an excellent motivator to clean the house every week and then to keep it neat and tidy! One hostess with three small children wrote that even though sometimes it feels like cleaning up and hosting once a week is a huge job, once it's done, she's never regretted hosting guests. Once the guests leave, she starts thinking about whom to invite the next week. That way the house never gets too disorganized before she has to tidy up again!

  10. Encourage drop-in guests: Have an open door policy, especially with your neighbours. The more chances you have to practice hospitality, the easier it becomes and the more you want to do it. Allowing drop-in guests helps you realize that it's OK if the house isn't spotless or if you don't have great food on hand. Spontaneous guests help you become more comfortable and allow to develop a more natural hospitality style.

What stood out to me the most about these hospitable people's responses is that they make opening their home to outsiders a regular part of their routine, but they know it doesn't have to be a grand affair every time. Many of them focused their tips on how to simplify hosting so it can happen more often. Remembering the heart and motivation behind hospitality makes all the difference, so you don't get overly distracted with the details of meal planning or clean-up. What worked well for you in your hospitality world in 2016? How will you change up your hospitality routines in 2017? Here's to a year full of open doors, which lead to open hearts!

10 Things (about Cross-Cultural Hospitality) I Didn't Know Last Year

BBC News has an interesting column on their website called "10 Things We Didn't Know Last Week" where they feature some of the most interesting tidbits they learned in the last week. As we wrap up the first year of The Serviette, I wanted to do something similar—I'm sharing ten things I didn't know last year, but that I learned this year through developing The Serviette. I hope you learn something new through this list, too!

  1. One creative way to make an international friend is to befriend one of the servers at your favourite Asian restaurant.

  2. Even though sometimes we think that speaking to international guests in their second or third language seems less than ideal for deep conversation, an American in Korea observed that Koreans often share more openly in English than in Korean. We've also met people this year who say they prefer to read the Bible in a language other than their first!

  3. Asking a Muslim friend the meaning of his or her name can be a meaningful conversation starter. Your friend might also want to know about the origin of your name or how you chose your children's names.

  4. Hosting Mormon missionaries for dinner can be a great opportunity for meaningful conversation around your table. I was even told that if you invite them over, they're not supposed to say "no"!

  5. A casual weekly supper club where different club members take turns hosting each other can be an interesting opportunity to eat communally regularly, and to see each other in various roles (sometimes as host, sometimes as guest).

  6. Desserts that can be cut into squares are great when you're feeding a crowd, because they're less tedious to put together and can be cut bigger or smaller depending how many guests appear on your doorstep!

  7. When you're hosting long-term overnight guests, it's important to get enough rest, so that you aren't cranky with your guests. Try to give yourself some margin if you're opening your home to someone who is not usually there.

  8. Lots of hosts and hostesses consider themselves introverts but still open their doors to strangers and guests regularly. (Here's one introvert hostess' story.)

  9. Sometimes foreign guests may bring you food gifts that you find hard to swallow. If you're fortunate, maybe you can eat the food after your guest leaves. One such food recipient's creative response was to ask her friend if she could take the gift of food home "to share with her children"—which saved her from having to choke down the whole dish of fermented rice right then and there.

  10. If you are living in a country which is not your own, offering hospitality to people from your host country (no matter how intimidating that might seem, since you're the outsider) can be one of the best ways to begin to integrate into your new homeland.

I learned so much this year about the power of hospitality this year, through interviews and interactions on social media with all of you. A personal lesson about hospitality that I learned is that the people who are in our home regularly will often become our closest and most reliable friends in that season of life. Hospitality based on truth and love gives an opportunity for unique, meaningful relationships to develop. While sometimes we avoid hospitality because we think we don't have time for it, often it is the people to whom we have gifted our time who end up graciously giving us their time and love back when we need it. 

Thanks for following us during this first year here at The Seviette—here's to many more years of serving others by sharing our tables, and creatively bridging cultural and religious gaps with grace and truth!